cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
