I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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