i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
