I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
