Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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