Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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