was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
