Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
