Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
