I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
