Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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