How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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