i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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