She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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