I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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