omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
