So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
