Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
try to milk me bitch
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
