Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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