yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
