Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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