Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
The police scanner is talking about you again....
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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