what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
is it fun? or sober?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
