this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
