shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
