He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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