is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
