You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
