Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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