Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
