well most of my day revolves around power hour
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
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