I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
