Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
