I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
