note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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