On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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