ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
