take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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