Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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