Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
