and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
