Need sex. Gaining weight.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
he fucked my hip out of place.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
