Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
She tied me up with her honor cords...
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You ruined the universe
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
