Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
