Have you finally orgasmed yet?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
