I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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