Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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