I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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