i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
