Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
